Interpersonal conflict is often tied with effective communication and it is often the latter that helps resolves the former. Conflicts are common as it can happen at almost all levels of communication. But conflicts are critical and how you solve them depend on how one handles them. There are a number of ways interpersonal conflicts can be handled and they all depend on how people handle them. The following are certain common methods people use to resolve conflicts which are unhealthy and as you will be able to see, do not include effective communication at all between both parties.
- Avoid or Denying the existence of the conflict :
This is very common but not effective as the disagreement lingers and it therefore allows for more opportunity for further conflicts and tension.
- Playing the blame game:
Putting the blame on others will only increase the defensiveness that people will have for each other and will do nothing to resolve the conflict
- Manipulate
By manipulating the other party, it appears the former may be compromosing but this isn't good as it will compromise trust between both the parties.
To resolve an interpersonal conflict EQ must be put in play here. Both parties have to set their minds on resolving the conflict in such a way that both parties feel like they won. Each person must participate actively in the resolution and make an effort and commitment to find answers which are as fair as possible to both. This is an easy principle to understand, but it is often difficult to put into practice. SO now comes the question.... how do we use effective communication to resolve a conflict?
1) listen to the person and what he has to say and if its the truth, agree with it so as to find a way to get to the problem and solve it. Practice empathy, whereby you put yourself in the shoes of the other person. Gently probe the other person as well to find out what they really are feeling and to show them that you are open to what they have to say. By doing this people will alos see that you are willing to listen to their viewpoint and not joust consider your own viewpoint or stance.Find positive things to say about the person and show a respectful attitude. Thus this goes to show that effective communication is tied to one's EQ.
For example, given a situation whereby Mary and Jane had a conflict and because of that you can always hear the crickets when they come have dinner with you. It could be possible that both were not sensitive to each other feelings and did not put themselves in the other person's shoes and therefore the conflict could have happened. Now I put to my readers... what do you think they or even I should do to help them come to talking terms again? =)
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Hi Varjeet,
ReplyDeleteThis is my suggestion.
Talk to each of them separately if they appreciate their friendship with each other. If so, try to convince both Jane and Mary that talking behind one's back is not healthy for their friendship. Moreover, they should not jump to conclusions about each other as there may have some misunderstanding.
You can suggest them to write letters to one another and voice out their grievances. Most importantly, its best that they state that they are resolved in solvimg any conflicts together.
This is based on my past experience and somehow, it works. A face-to-face negotiation may not be viable in the first round as it can turn into a confrontation if not handled well. It is till both parties feel good and a win-win situation has been achieved then a meet-up will be appropriate.
Cheers, Serene
Hi Varjeet,
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I would do is ask both of them if they still want to befriend each other. If the answer is yes, then like what serene had mentioned above, talking to both of them separately is definitely one of the solutions to the problem. And you could put them into each other’s shoes. For instance, you could try explaining to Jane, like why Mary was doing this certain way when dealing some situations, and vice versa. This could somehow minimize the misunderstanding, but try to be neutral when explaining to them as they might think you are trying to side with the other person. Furthermore, you could tell them that talking behind one's back is not good. Imagine, if someone is talking behind your back to your best friend, how would you feel?
However, if the answer is no, they doesn’t want to be friends with each other, then I would suggest that you just tell them that you will still be friends with both of them and you have to meet both of them separately for dinner. And most important is that you must inform them that you do not want to hear either of them bad mouthing about the other person, as this would hurt the friendship of you and either one of them.
I believe this is what I would have done as the one that would suffer the most is me if I did not handle the situation well.
Cheers,
Shi Ting
Dear Varjeet,
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting post though it sees to stray from the original assignment quite a bit. I find it instructive that you discuss various methods for resolving conflicts in an unhealthy manner. It's also good of you to discuss certain useful principles for resolving conflict. However, this info might have been better placed in your resolution section of the post, not in the initial section, which would have been better focused on the actual conflict. In fact, you only get into describing the conflict scenario in the last paragraph.
Do you see what I'm getting at?
There are a few minor language problems, too. The one in the following sentence is worth mentioning:
ex.) But conflicts are critical and how you solve them depend on how one handles them. >>> problem in the inconsistent pronoun usage and in the verb agreement
I know you've put a lot of time and effort into this post, and I do appreciate that.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey Varjeet!
ReplyDeleteI would have to agree with Brad. The topic was to talk about a specific scenario. Which was done mainly in the last para. It would also have been nice if you could have given a little more background information on Mary and Jane. Like why did they have a fight? Why were they not able to resolve it? What were their views on the conflict? All this information would have given me, the reader, a better picture. And hence, a better position to advice as to what they or you could possibly do. You know what I mean?
As for the conflict, you could ask them individually why they do not feel at ease with each other? Is there more than meets the eye. Once you understand each of their point of you, you should judge if you want to interfere. Do you think they are willing to resolve the conflict? Cos if they are not willing to make the effort then no point getting yourself tangled in it. But if you do think that their bickering is affecting you a lot, then you might want to tell them how you feel. Maybe out of concern for you, they may show more tact.
One a side note Varjeet, I am not sure if you realise this, but when you write, you tend to use long sentences. I observed this while critiquing your resume. And in this post too. For instance, the sentences you used to elaborate on the common methods to resolve conflicts are rather long. So by the time we reach the end of the sentence, we tend to loose track of what you are trying to say. It would have been easier to read had you used shorted sentences. You bring out somevery good points in your post. But the reader may be able to better appreciate the content if it were easier to read/follow.
Imho :)